He reached into his jacket pocket and palmed the small box he had been carrying close to his heart now for a few months. It contained a modest diamond solitaire he had tirelessly saved from his meagre wage but was going to be the icing on the cake for him and Em. Looking at it now though, it seemed so small and insignificant and he needed to give her the world, not some cheap, tiny second-hand diamond ring.
His plan was to propose to her when they found their first home. Making love for the first time was to be the first night alone in their new bedroom, a room he wanted to adorn with candles and rose petals and give her the romance she so deserved. But now she was moving on to much bigger things, asking her to marry him now was the wrong thing to do. He had wanted at least one ring on her finger before he took the next step with her.
He hadn’t had a lot of experience in romancing a girl and although Emma wasn’t his first, he had wanted them to be in a meaningful stage in their relationship because he wanted to prove to her that she meant far more to him that just sex. She had stolen his heart and soul and he felt like he had a purpose in life when he was with her. But by being weak and selfish in the spur of the moment the night before, he had not only tainted that special moment for them both, but he felt he had dirtied his precious Emma in the process. And thank goodness he already knew she had those pills that protected from pregnancy. He was clean and knew Emma was but he never even broached the fact he didn’t have a condom. He hated himself for not thinking this out and ruining his dreams for them but wouldn’t regret ever taking those precious moments with her especially if that was all he would ever have to take. And that made him no better than his own goddam loser of a father, and that made the fact he was about to walk away that bit less of a bitter pill to swallow.
He took in the sight of her before him right now and tried to take one last mental picture of her. Tears pooled in his eyes as she breathed deeply, looking so serene in the depths of her slumber. Leaning in, he took in one last discrete breath of her scent, and kissing her gently so as not to wake her, he whispered, “Please forgive me, Em, for what I am about to do and I hope you can do what I’m about to ask. Be happy, sweetheart. That is all I want for you. I will be eternally sorry for the way things have happened but please, sweetheart, know that I will love you forever.” Choking back a sob, he collected a few essentials he had found in one of the old metal boxes and he headed out of the shelter and up to the reality awaiting him.
About the Author:
30 - something Mum of two from the North of England (Yorkshire to be precise AKA Gods own Country) who regularly seeks refuge in fictional characters minds.
Prefers the hot and hunky men with a romantic side but not averse to a dominant man, nor ones with a dark side too!
She decided, after much persuasion from both her friends and especially her husband to pursue her dream of one day publishing her own book!
So after much deliberation (and nagging from him indoors), her first book Steeling my Haart due for release March 2015!
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